Frank Stronghorse

Looking Inward and Looking Outward

February 21, 2018

Phoenix Rising Fake News 2-19-18

February 19, 2018: 


            ** Sources report that Associated Press is considering carrying a ground breaking poll which recently was released by a prominent Northeast Ivy League College showing that the main reason that Conservatives seem to be unable to pass any meaningful legislation is due to the fact that they are….well…conservative.  Additionally, these same sources report that Democrats seem to be unable to offer any meaningful results and are waiting on someone else to step forward is because…well. they are democratic.


** Last night in the spirit of national unification and efforts of Unify the Nation (UtN), members of Fox and Friends switched places with members of MSNBC to report each other’s news. Conceding that this effort was a noble effort, unfortunately the members of the MSNBC team dissolved into fits of laughter while wetting themselves on national TV while the members of Fox and Friends wretched into the airline safety bags supplied to them in their welcome gift bags.


** Last night reporters ask the President that in light of recent gun violence against school children, what did he plan to do to address this national problem. The President responded, while polishing the head of his putter, “Yeah, I guess we are going to have to do something about that.”  When pressed for details, the President threatened to have the reporter locked up in county jail for ninety days for contempt.  Then sources report that he turned to one of his supporters and murmured, “Goddamn it, I a strong President, right?”   “Yes sir, Mr. President.” the supporters responded between jockeying for position in front of the television cameras present at the country club.


            ** Sources report that Pope Francis is in talks with the heads of the major churches in America to convene with him in America to demand a solution to the increased violence in the world. On the agenda, sources report, is an enforced mandated slow down of work in late 2018 and 2019 by all church members until legislation is passed to shrink the “defense” budgets of the world powers and a marked decline in the manufacture of arms……ok…..LOL!


            ** The Committee for Independent Scientific Thinking and Family Conservative Values has offered to provide free independent testing to any member of the governing bodies in either the state or national offices by hooking up a gas mask to the backend of a Hummer and allow them to breathe in the vapors to make an independent decision outside of any scientific evidence as to the dangers or non-dangers of car exhaust to humans. So far no takers have responded.


            ** Sources close to the White House have reported that a highly secret memo has been forwarded to the Mueller investigate team offering to negotiate a settlement in the Russian investigation. Sources report that this negotiation will be based upon a complete privately funded re-finance package for all Trump properties either owned or partnered and a complete discharge of any and all criminal charges for anyone named by the President himself and an opened agreement to never file any further charges on the President or his family.


            ** Sources close to the Mueller investigative team have reportedly offered to President Trump and his family a discharge of all criminal indictments if they agree to an extended stay at a plush Siberian condo project in Krasnoyarsk.